I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
