How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
