I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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