So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
