got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
