no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
