Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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