member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
