By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
