do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
