the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
