Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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