I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize