is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
