OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize