Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
