Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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