She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
