Buhtt sex?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
