So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize