i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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