Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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