guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
