she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
