im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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