well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
