I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
