Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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