You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize