i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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