So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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