If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
