She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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