You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
