I am puke
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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