Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
