Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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