I think my fart just growled at me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
