its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
