Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
