Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
