these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
