Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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