considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
