I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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