um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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