whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
