Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
