he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
