I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
