Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize