WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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