hotel room ftw
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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