The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
