god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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