The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
