weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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