the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
