Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
