Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
