My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
