i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
