Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
