I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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