forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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