walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
