when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
