Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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