Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize